User blog:BadmininaIsEw/Still having trouble understanding?
= Here. Let me try and help you. :} = https://miiverse.nintendo.net/posts/AYMHAAACAAADVHjzrAK68g = I have depression. = "No shit!" Ikr. Shocking? No. No, not really. = Let's go through all the reasons why I could be depressed! :D = Let's start from the beginning. I was an accident. What a great start, amirite? "How does that have any effect on why/how you have depression?" You may ask. Well, silly reader. That means that my mother may not have known she was pregnant with me. Guess what? SHE DIDN'T KNOW! XD At least for the first few weeks, that is. During development. * My mother was in the Navy. Stress. * She smoked. * She partied with all her Navy friends on the weekends. Heavy drinking. Okay. That was the first few weeks. She stopped the smoking and drinking after she found out I was pregnant. However, her eating habits got even unhealthier than before her pregnancy. Just for the record, all of those things probably effected my development. I have heart/circulatory issues, and obviously problems in my brain. Childhood * My father left us before I was old enough to remember him, so there goes my father figure. * My stepfather came in when I was four. We didn't really get along. I was not an outside child. He was, however. * My mother left the Navy, but my stepfather still was in. Just to let you know, having parents in the Navy means a lot of moving. Making friends became harder and harder. * I wasn't doing well in school, so my stepfather took away all my toys/privileges. It even got to the point where he'd make me sit on a bench in a room near the kitchen. * Without my legos or whatever to distract myself in, to escape in, I was left to think. * What could I think about? All of my faults, how and why others were better than me, why people did the things they did. * I grew up very quickly on that bench. Eventually my legos would be returned to me, but it didn't feel the same. That escape was no longer a mistake. It was just a reminder of how happy I was before. * I then discovered videogames. New escape. Guess what? Bad grades still, escape taken away. * Even more thinking, but now I'm entering puberty. Yey, hormones. * Now I'm in love with girls that I'll never be able to talk to. * It finally begins. I start writing. I start creating these OCs. Based off of me, but they were always stronger. Three of my OCs were based off of my legos. Maybe I'll post some pictures of them later... * I suck at writing in the beginning, more depression. * Eventually we talk to our doctor about it. "ADD" * We try a bunch of different ADD medications. They don't really help. * Eventually we move for the final time. * Stepfather gets pissed at my grades and attitude. Destroys my DS. * Christmas? 3DS. Internet beginnings. * I lost internet access a looong time ago due to grades, and being caught looking at porn once. But with my 3DS... * Eventually 3DS Miiverse is available. * I start out as "TheUnknown" on Miiverse. Mainly keeping to the YouTube Community. * Jam (formerly known as Jman) started posting in the Smash Community more often. * I followed him, as he was my favorite user at the time. * Eventually I moved fully to the Smash Community, and after frequent bans, I became "Badmin pls". * I had serious trust issues, and therefore didn't have many friends. * Then Alyssa rose to power. * Serious drama started up. I started ranting, in which I gained a lot of popularity, as I was the only one willing to share the opinions others weren't willing to share. * Eventually, I ranted about Izzy. Her fanbase was extremely evil at the time, and expressed their hatred of me. They even celebrated when I was banned later that night. * The depression was back. I was alone. * I was once joking about turning my Mii female to see if I would get more followers with Jman. And thus, Badminina was born. * Eventually I fell in love with it, and never went back. Lol. Badminina was an accident in a way too. * I expressed my feelings very often, as I had no other place to do so. * Finally, after many years, the school finally came up with a plan. I would go to the Alternative Education program, which is exactly like highschool, but smaller classes (like 7 kids max) and NO homework. I am still in it today. I only started at the end of last year. I'm now an honor student. * At some point, Jman introduced me to Morgan. We fell in love. * "Badminorgan" became canon, and many people knew about it. The Izzy Rant Hate seemed to be gone, and I was semi-popular once again. But I felt no better. * Morgan also has depression. She couldn't handle the stress of shool, her extremely strict parents, and me, so she broke up, then left for two months. * I was very, very depressed at this point. Who was there to save me? Hikaru. Badmikaru was never really official, but I thought it was. I was led on for months. Eventually, she flat out left me. No contact whatsoever. The friendship died. * I then confessed my love to Cookie. Badminookie. * Suddenly, Phoebe's return. I had told her that I loved her before her disappearance. And naturally, Badmintaro was bound to happen. * Cookie doesn't get on often, so that died without her knowing. I felt very guilty for that. Cookie, if you somehow manage to see this. I'm so sorry. Hopefully we can work things out. As friends or whatever. Whatever YOU want. * Suddenly, Morgan returned. Confusion over Badmorgan part 2 or Badmintaro. * Badmintaro is eventually confirmed. * Phoebe catches me flirting with Izzy. Almost breaks up with me. * She then catches me "flirting" with Abby (Emopikachu) and Diane (Anne on Miiverse) * I somehow manage to keep her. * We decided to try again in mental health. "Major Depression and Generalized Anxiety" * Due to my new medication and timezones, I became very tired around the time when Phoebe got on. She could no longer stand the lack of contact, and after about a week of fighting over it and begging her not to leave me, it became official. Badmintaro was over. And here I am. * I can never find love. * I lost all my friends. Irl and online. * My mother didn't live a healthy life while she was pregnant. * My stepfather has always been a douche. * My halfsister is a bitch. * I don't talk to my mother as much as I should. * I have people like Joey making me feel guilty about being depressed, simply because they don't understand. Hopefully this cleared up a few things. Maybe now you'll see that depression and anxiety was inevitable, with how my life played out. So please, please stop acting like you understand what I'm going through. I'm really struggling... Thank you for reading this massive piece of shit. Don't waste time. ~Badminina AKA Nathan Rhodes Category:Blog posts